


Blackest Tears

by sleeponrooftops



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-25
Updated: 2008-04-25
Packaged: 2017-10-31 07:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeponrooftops/pseuds/sleeponrooftops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>sequel to shadows of our life.  And here I am, pouring my heart onto these rooftops, just a ghost to the world.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blackest Tears

_The stars will cry  
The blackest tears tonight  
And this is the moment that I live for  
I can smell the ocean air_

It was absolutely pouring out.  How appropriate.

 

I reach the park shivering and holding my jacket to me, wishing that the fucking rain would just _stop_.  Of course, no wishes ever come true and I’m left sitting on the ground, drenched to the bone.  Why I didn’t just sit on the bench, I’ll never know, but I really wanted to sit on the ground.

 

After the first five minutes tick slowly by, I start to feel a little apprehensive.  I convince myself, however, that he’s just cautious because of the rain.  He’ll get here soon enough.

 

Brian’s never cautious.  He doesn’t care.

 

Ten minutes go by and I start checking my phone every few seconds, glancing around everywhere constantly.  I never lose hope.  I can’t.  He has to come.  I have to see him. _  
  
_

_And here I am  
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops  
Just a ghost to the world  
That's exactly, exactly what I need_

Fifteen minutes go by and I’m just standing up, giving in.  He lives too close.  He’s not cautious.  He should have been here by now.

 

‘Matt!’

 

I turn at the voice, shocked beyond all utter belief.  There he is, in all his glory, running toward me with fucking _sunglasses_ on.

 

‘Fuck, man, I’ve been circling the place looking for you.  What the fuck are you doing out here in the rain?  You’ll catch something,’ he hisses, reaching me.

 

‘I was waiting for you.  You said you’d be here.’

 

‘Sorry.  I guess miscommunication or something.  I figured you’d be in your car in this weather.’

 

‘I walked here.’

 

‘Figures.  Alright, c’mon back to my car.  I’m not standing out here in this.’

 

He holds out his hand, an old gesture, and I can’t even move. _  
  
From up here the city lights burn  
Like a thousand miles of fire  
And I'm here to sing this anthem  
Of our dying day_

‘Matt,’ he whines, flexing his fingers, ‘C’mon.  I’m cold.’

 

I still don’t move.  It’s been so long since I’ve seen him and he’s just standing there, trying to act like nothing ever happened.

 

‘Fuck you, dude!  Are you coming or not?  It’s fucking freezing out here!  Let’s go!’ he yelps, tearing off his glasses and shoving them into his pocket.

 

‘Why did you come?’

 

‘Jesus Christ, Matt.  Why did I come?  Are you fucking serious?’

 

‘Why did you come?’ I repeat.  I have to know.  If it’s out of pure guilt, I want him gone.

 

‘I came because I care about you, Shads.  You sounded hurt on the phone.’

 

‘I am fucking hurt, you prick!’ I shout, pushing his hand away as he tries to grab my arm and pull me away.

 

‘I never did anything!’

 

‘It’s your fault it all fell apart!’

 

‘I’m sorry, Matt!  I never meant for it to go down like that!’

 

And there he is, standing there in all his glory, soaking wet and breaking down. _  
  
For a second I wish the tide  
Would swallow every inch of this city  
As you gasp for air tonight_

‘What d’you mean?’

 

‘Fuck, Matt!  You scared me!  You fucking came up to me and told me you loved me!  Fuck, Shads!  I freaked out, okay?  I’m sorry!  I tried to keep going, but I couldn’t!  I know you saw that!  I had to leave!’

 

‘But the band, Bri!’

 

‘Fuck the band!  I couldn’t deal with it!’

 

‘Why not?’

 

‘I just couldn’t!  Can’t you ever let it go?’

 

‘I want to know why you fucking left me and the fucking band!  You’re not getting away this time!’

 

He lets out a frustrated screech and turns away, fists clenched.

 

‘Brian, please,’ I beg, reaching for him.

 

‘Don’t touch me,’ he hisses, pulling his arm away as I touch his shoulder, ‘Don’t fucking touch me.’

 

‘Brian,’ I say sternly, gripping his shoulders.

 

‘Fuck, Matt, I’m sorry,’ he suddenly whimpers, turning into me. _  
  
_

_I'd scream this song right in your face  
If you were here  
I swear I won't miss a beat  
Cause I never, never have before_

Although surprised, I slowly wrap my arms around Brian, lightly holding him until I realize he’s not going to run away again and I quickly squeeze him to me.  It’s a glorious moment between us, a memory of blissful times when we could hug and it would be fine.

 

‘There were so many times I wished I hadn’t told you,’ I whisper as he exhales heavily, hesitantly resting his hands on the small of my back as he buries his nose into my chest.

 

‘Why did you?’ he whispers, turning his head and resting it lightly against me.

 

‘You had to know.  I couldn’t go on like I was.’

 

‘What d’you mean?’

 

‘It was torture, Bri, being with Val.  I just couldn’t stand it.  I didn’t love her like that anymore.’

 

‘When did you figure it out?’

 

‘The day after we finished _Beast and the Harlot_.  I watched it later that night on the tape and I was just blown away.  You looked so… _perfect_.’

 

‘But… you didn’t tell me until after the tour promoting the self-titled record.’

 

‘I couldn’t bring myself to.  We were getting so big.  I couldn’t take it all away.  And besides, I wasn’t technically sure yet.  I was still in denial.’

 

‘What made you not?’

 

He moves slightly, so I loosen my arms, allowing him to step back.  He wipes his eyes as if that’ll do anything in this torrential rain.

 

‘We finished shooting _Afterlife_ and, you know how it was, I was a complete wreck that day.  I was just watching the playbacks and staring at you and I couldn’t handle it anymore.  That’s why Val and I broke up that day.’

 

‘You were in denial that long?’

 

‘Not really.  I was always aware of how much I loved you.’ _  
  
From up here the city lights burn  
Like a thousand miles of fire  
And I'm here to sing this anthem  
Of our dying day_

Brian runs a hand over his face, sighing as he does.

 

‘Matt, I’m not sure what to say,’ he mumbles, peeking up at me.

 

‘Just say what’s on your mind.’

 

‘Fuck, man, I wanna tell you I love you.  I just… I don’t know if I can.’

 

‘Oh.’

 

‘Oh?  That’s it?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

I’m trying to remain composed, but it’s so hard as he rips apart my heart all over again.  It’s like I mean absolutely nothing to him.  I’m just another boring obstacle in his life that he wants to get rid of as soon as possible.

 

‘Matt, c’mon, dude, you know I care about you.  I don’t wanna hurt you.’

 

‘You already have.  It shouldn’t be too difficult to do again.’

 

‘Don’t play that card, you fuck.  That’s not fair.’

 

‘Not fair, Brian?  What’s not fair is you _never_ gave me a chance!’

 

‘What if I did give you a chance and it didn’t work out?’ he shrieks, turning his back.

 

‘And what if it did?’ I return, trying to hold back the tears. _  
  
For a second I wish the tide  
Would swallow every inch of this city  
As you gasp for air tonight_

He stops, shaking, and slowly turns again, but only halfway.

 

‘What if I do give it a chance and it doesn’t work?’

 

‘Then I am eternally grateful and I won’t care anymore.  I’ll move on.’

 

‘What if it works out?’

 

‘Then all the better.  What are you getting at?’

 

He turns fully, gives me a hard stare, and then moves forward again.  It’s the one thing I’ve always wanted, just the one.  Everything else would have just been icing.  This, this cake is all I ever wanted.  He reaches me, licking his lips, and I completely crumble on the inside as he lets out a heavy breath.

 

‘I think… maybe… we could… _try_.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

I offer him a smile, reaching forward and grasping his hand.  He looks down at our interlocked hands before turning his beautiful brown eyes back up to my hazel ones.

 

‘I love you, Matt,’ he whispers right before he closes the distance in one simple, graceful kiss. _  
  
From up here the city lights burn  
Like a thousand miles of fire  
And I'm here to sing this anthem  
Of our dying day_


End file.
